Coach Kaela shares her story about when her anxiety got the best of her at CrossFit
Relatable Stories
It is normal to be nervous and scared the first time you try something new like CrossFit. It can cause different emotions to build up inside you that you were not aware of. It can cause you to break down mid workout and make you think you never should have started and that you are not good enough. That is not true. It can be hard, but it is important to keep moving through those feelings. Acknowledge them, know they are there, understand them, and then you can fight against them. Each month I am going to bring you a story of someone who felt these feelings or hit some adversity in the gym, where they are now, and how they got through it. These feelings will get less as time moves on and as you continue to work throughout the gym.
Coach Kaela begins CrossFit
You may be familiar with this story as I share it often. I am very open about this to show this occurs to everyone and you will improve and make it better. I joined Industrial Athletics in July 2018. I greatly enjoyed the community and the workouts. I never lifted before, and my cardio was atrocious, so this was a new challenge. I found out very early on how much I hated wallballs and rowing, two movements not meant for people of my height. Anytime I saw a workout with either of those movements, I knew I would be scaling way down and it wasn’t going to be a fun one.
The 2019 CrossFit Open
I was convinced to sign up for the annual Open Internal Competition that is held at the gym. I was excited and it was a way for me to get to know other gym members. The Thursday night before our Saturday competition, CrossFit released the workout. What do you know. It was all wallballs and rowing. A 15-minute AMRAP of 19 wallballs and 19 cal on the rower to be exact. I was not too pleased and began to get nervous. I spoke with my brother, who was a member at the time, and he helped me through my anxiety and learn some tips to help on the rower. Saturday came and the atmosphere was incredible. Everyone was cheering everyone on regardless of what team they were on. It came time for my heat and the nerves began to set in. My judge was a new coach who was a super nice guy, which gave me a little bit of comfort. 3-2-1 hits on the clock and it is go time.
The Anxiety Begins
First round went by as expected; not great. I get to the second round, and I can feel my chest tighten. I can barely breathe, and I can feel tears coming to my eyes. “Why did I sign up for this? I’m nowhere near as good as anyone here. What am I doing? I can’t do this.” All these thoughts begin racing through my head. I am having a full-blown panic attack. Brinker, my judge, tried calming me down and realized what was happening. It wasn’t helping. It also didn’t help that the captain of my team was very intense, so she was behind me yelling at me to keep going. Thankfully, Coach Jen came over and walked me through the remainder of the workout. She knelt beside me, told me to close my eyes, and pretend I was just rowing down the river. She reminded me to breathe and helped me finish the remainder of the workout. As soon as the clock went off signaling the workout was over, I ran outside and began just crying my eyes out. It was the worst workout I ever had in my life and the worst feeling I had in a long time.
Moving Forward
I would be lying if I said this was the only time this happened to me. There were multiple workouts throughout my first couple of years of CrossFit where I had a mild panic attack. It all starts the same with the tightening of my chest and then the struggle to breathe follows. I stayed consistent with the gym and continued to work. As time went on, these feelings became less and less. I stuck with it and was able to learn the warning signs of a mid-workout panic attack. I was able to learn the way my body and mind work while I am getting that workout in. Because of this, I can identify that I am beginning to get in my head and slow down. Slowing down and focusing on one movement at a time helps me to finish the workout but not have an attack. Being consistent in the gym helps you learn your body more which causes you to be able to identify a feeling you may be having in the middle of a workout. Finding this ability is the first step to being able to control it when it does pop up. To this day, I will have workouts where something feels off and I can feel my chest start to tighten. That is my sign I am getting in my head. That is my sign to slow down and focus on one movement at a time.
Paying it Forward
I hope this helps anyone out there who feels inadequate in the gym or is questioning themselves. The most important advice I can give is to stick with you. Everyone has good and bad days. You will begin to learn how your mind and body respond to this new environment and new workout routine. Also remember that the coaches understand this happens and we are here to help you through a workout. That could mean helping you to refocus and gain control of your emotions or push you to become better and finisher stronger than before. If you want to share your story to help others, please let me know and I will share it in a future blog post. You may remain anonymous if you would like. CrossFit is a community above anything else and Industrial Athletics has the best one.
